Failures don't destroy you, they create the best version of you!

After NEET 2024, Everything came crashing down on me..all the hardwork i had put in..all the sacrifices i gave..everything vent down the drain! yet again, i failed in NEET 2024. 

A girl who is emotionally in a vulnerable state had only one chance of making her family relations good specially with her father...who constantly puts her down..constantly lets her down in every possible way..

I thought Neet 2024 would change my life for good but it gave me nothing but a tag of failure..its my fault too.  For atleast half a year i lived in a victim's state of mind. I thought it was my fault that's why my parents never appreciated me..but now after pondering upon it i realised that they were projecting their own insecurities on me. 

i remember i truly started my prep for NEET 2024 in September..yes in september. why so late?you would ask...that's because i got so much involved in the family drama that i lost myself i was always thinking of ways to make this house a better place to thrive in..every part of my brain used to think what would happen next..what would my father do if any little thing makes him upset?! after months i finally realised nothing can be changed in this household just by my efforts, he still verbally abused me mentally tortured me, made me cry literally everyday..humiliated me in front of the whole neighbourhood..crushed my self respect.The most horrible thing he said to me.... (after saying that consider YOUR FATHER IS DEAD,he added, just see me as an ATM machine, DON'T EXPECT FATHER'S LOVE as you would never get that from me)......"MERA NASEEB HI KHARAB HAI JO TERI JAISI BETI MERE GHAR ME PAIDA HUI...(and i dont know what i have done that made him say this).. My father made me feel worthess....And honestly i've had enough of all this nonsense..

Overcoming all of this trauma that i had since childhood is not a piece of cake. I thought i could really use the help of a professional but for a girl like me who had no money for this i couldn't afford this so like every other teen i googled it..it showed me some wonderful youtubers like Tam Kaur, LizardWiz and the most important one..Tamanna Chaudhary ma'am (her neet journey video really inspired me as she also overcame a situation which was like mine)...And after watching some of their videos i truly got inspired and i tried my best to ignore and not a give a shit about what my father said about me and just focus on myself (well the first thing i did after getting extra motivated was to cut my ~almost 3 feet long hair😶😂i don't regret it though)....i have a whole life in front of me and i can't let him ruin that for me, So  I tried my level best to ignore things but its easier said than done..somehow his words still influences me and make my day shitty. well coming back to my NEET preparations i gave my best in the last few days, i truly hoped that i would score more than 600 this year but destiny didn't permit it (or you can say i didn't worked that hard from the start).

But this year gave me many things too...it gave me strength ,patience, knowledge, and even taught me how to deal with many life problems, it taught me who are the people i should really value and cherish them.And i didn't learn all of this alone there was a person who i found due to god's grace and helped me come out of the misery as much as it was possible.

Well, Deep down i know i am a much better person than i was last year i've learned so much out of this roller coaster ride, i know how to deal with track bumps and how to enjoy high rides and how to laugh when i am scared or sad.

Now that i know all these things i am pretty sure i will handle every situation just the perfect ways in the upcoming years. And also, I am not giving up on my dreams!

 I have always wanted to live my life on my own terms..and I WILL, i will never let my father define my worth .

09/05/2024